Hurting Truth
by Cennamace
Summary: Sequel to 'The Importance of an Embrace': Gaius had died. With his last words he trusted his ward Merlin into Arthurs care and hinted to the prince that his servant is keeping a huge secret. How will Arthur react when he finally learns about the truth?
1. Necessary Business

**Hurting Truth**

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><p><strong>Summary: <strong>

**Sequel to 'The Importance of an Embrace': **

**Gaius had died and with his last words he trusted his ward Merlin into Arthurs care. With this the old man hinted to the prince that his servant is keeping a huge secret. How will Arthur react when he finally learns about the truth?**

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><p><strong>Hi everyone!<strong>

**So here it finally is as promised, though it took some time. **

**For those who haven't read the Prequel "The Importance of an Embrace" I would recommend to read this first, though you could also read this as an independent story because the summary states the most important facts. But just do as you like.^^**

**This story starts right after the events of the Prequel.**

**And please excuse all the mistakes. Unfortunately I'm no native speaker. But I would be happy if you could inform me about occurring faults.**

**However, please enjoy reading.**

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><p>Mourning was a terrible thing. Merlin knew that. How many of his friends had died so far and like always he had to suppress his grieve because of his duty to the prince and for the sake of Camelot.<p>

When Will died Merlin quickly had to get over it. It was demanded of him because Will died as "sorcerer". With that Merlin just wasn't allowed to mourn openly.

Then Freya died. Merlin hadn't known her long but she was his first and only true love. His feelings for her had been so strong. He had even thought about leaving Camelot, abandoning his destiny just to be with her. Arthur hadn't known anything about that but still he had sensed that something was wrong with his servant. The prince thought it was just because of the water that he had spilled over his servant that time, though he could hardly believe that something meagre as that would upset Merlin that much. All he knew was that he didn't like to see Merlin brooding over something. And if it really was because of something the prince had done in reply to Merlin's behaviour, he simply wanted to show his servant that he wasn't mad at him anymore. That's why he tried to cheer him up and gladly it seemed to work.

Soon Merlin was back to his normal self along with the usual prattle the prince would scold him for but secretly Arthur loved to hear it. A day without it was an empty waste of time though of course Arthur would never admit that loudly.

Back then Merlin had realized that the future he had wished for with Freya was lost. He remembered the duty he had. It was his task to keep Arthur safe. How could he just think about denying his destiny? And it wasn't just that. Arthur was too important to him. Not because he was the prince prophecies announced to become the king who would unite Albion. Arthur was his friend and he was certain that the world needed a king like him.

So Merlin came to the conclusion that he would never leave his destined path ever again. Not because it was said to be Merlin's destiny, no, just because Merlin wanted it by himself. By Arthurs attempt to cheer him up (though it was for another reason) he found back to his assurance, while hiding any sign of mourning from anybody.

But then they found Balinor and just hours after they were finally united as father and son, Merlin had to watch him die. And this time he wasn't able to hold back his tears. Arthur had seen it and even spoke about it.

Fortunately Arthur had thought that Merlin had just cried because of the loss of the last dragonlord and because he was afraid that Camelot would be doomed now.

However, though Merlin tried to overcome his sorrow instantly, it had hurt him deeply. But again he had to snap out and needed to prepare for the fight against the dragon. He required every interior strength to actually succeed. It was so hard to face the dragon after this enormous loss but Merlin found his courage because of Arthur, again. Merlin knew that the prince couldn't beat the dragon, no matter how strong this thick-headed prince was. And Merlin surely didn't want Arthur to die, so he went with him to the fight. When it was done he was able to overcome the hatred inside of him against the murderers of his father because he realized that he had to care about the future. Again he had to move on for the sake of everyone.

Today was a different day. Once more he had lost someone very dear to him. Gaius was more than his guardian. He was like a father to Merlin. The old and wise man had brought words of severity and discipline when they were needed, even if Merlin didn't want to hear them sometimes. But he also comforted Merlin when he was down or about to give up. And now Gaius was gone forever.

There was no way how Merlin could just swallow this loss down without showing any sign of grieving. His mother had sent him to Gaius because she knew that he would be the right teacher for her son. That's why he even came to Camelot in the first place. Of course things had changed a lot since that. This wasn't about learning to control his magic anymore. Merlin had found his destiny in Arthur but still, how was he supposed to go on without the guidance, wisdom and love of Gaius?

How long could he survive without doing something stupid what could surely cost his head? Gaius had prevented many accusations of sorcery, dashed down every attempt of suspicion and excused his ward when he had done things wrong.

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><p>Merlins head was heavy from all the thoughts that shot through it and only dizzily he realized how Arthur talked to him quietly.<p>

The prince had helped his servant up to his feet after they had parted from their embrace.

Merlin could only remember parts of the prince's words. They were comforting, kind and understanding, something that Merlin hadn't heard often from his master. He would have thanked Arthur if his mind wouldn't have been in such a tumult.

Arthur had guided him out of the physician's chambers where Gaius corpse still lay. The prince ordered a nearby servant to get one of the guest rooms ready.

It was surely uncommon to prepare such a room for a servant. The confused servant dared to ask the prince when the guest would arrive.

Arthur just barked back at him not to ask but to do what he was ordered to.

The servant hurried away immediately without further questions.

Arthur looked back at Merlin, clearly missing some of his usual remark. Surely on a normal day Merlin would have scolded the prince for yelling at a poor servant like that. But everything the prince saw were dark empty and endlessly sad eyes.

Arthur decided not to press on Merlin. He would give him the time he needed to get over this loss.

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><p>As they walked through the hallway they met Gwen. She still had tears in her eyes but wiped them away when she saw them approaching.<p>

Arthur gently touched her shoulder. She looked at him sadly but soon she assured with her kind brown eyes that she was all right and ready to help.

Thankfully Arthur spoke to her.

"Please, Gwen, could you stay with Merlin?"

"Of course!"

She embraced Merlin before she gently guided him to her room where he could rest.

Arthur looked after them. Of course he wanted nothing more but to be near Merlin in this sad time but he guessed that Merlin would rather want to have a friend around to whom he could confide to with his sorrow. Arthur wasn't sure if he could be the right person for this. Besides, he as prince had to deal with other things right now.

Clearly he saw the servant walking towards him who his father often used to summon his son.

Sighing Arthur went to the throne room where duty was calling for him.

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><p>"Arthur! There you are."<p>

"Father."

Arthurs voice was flat without the normal enthusiasm.

Uther realized it clearly but went on after a short pause.

"Now that Gaius is dead we have to assign a new court physician."

Arthur's eyes flickered with some indignation. How could his father just go back to business as if nothing had happened? After all, Gaius was his most trusted servant and friend. They had known each other since decades but there was no sign of true mourning inside the king's eyes.

Arthur couldn't understand it at all but it wasn't his right to complain. So he got back to business as his father obviously demanded.

"Who do you have in mind, father?"

"I've heard of a healer who lives in Lord Godwin's realm. I'm thinking about summoning him."

"Well, do you want me to send for him?"

"Yes, but there is some more."

"What is it?"

Uther sighed and began to pace. Arthur could clearly see though this behaviour, It meant uneasiness.

"Gaius begged me to assign him. He was a friend of him."

"So what is the problem?"

"You know that Gaius had used magic when he was younger."

"Yes, I do."

Arthur was confused that his father brought up this fact right now but decided to listen on before asking.

"Well, the man Gaius wanted me to assign was known as a sorcerer too."

"Does he still practice magic?"

"Gaius said no but I don't trust in it."

"You don't trust Gaius' word?"

"I did but … I just want to be sure. That's why I want you to keep an eye on him as soon as he arrives. I'll allow no sorcery in my realm."

"Understood, I'll take of everything."

Arthur was about to leave the room but the king held him back.

"Arthur, wait, there's something else."

"Father?"

"I was told by one of the servants that you ordered him to prepare one of the guest rooms. Do we expect any visitors?"

"No. It's just for my servant, Merlin. I didn't want him to stay where his mentor had died."

"The boy ... yes. Gaius talked to me about him before he died. He asked for my permission to let him stay here in the castle as your servant. But I don't know if I should be pleased with that."

Arthur was shocked.

"But Merlin serves me since several years. Don't tell me you want to throw him out of the castle just because Gaius isn't there anymore."

"Gaius was his custodian and pledged himself responsible for him. Now that Gaius is gone, there is no one left to pledge for him."

"But Merlin isn't a boy anymore!"

Uther shot a look of sincere disbelieve at his son.

"You should know best how much trouble this idiot had caused over the years. I often wonder why you even keep him as your servant."

Arthur would have replied to this with some invalidation but his father went on before the prince was able to get out the proper words.

"But I think the time has come now to get you a new servant. The boy will never get over Gaius' death. How could he serve you properly anymore? You should forget about him."

Arthur felt offended, not for himself but for Merlin. He couldn't suppress the urge to protect him.

"All he needs is some time! You can't expect me to throw him out right now. It wouldn't be right, no matter how often he messes up. Beside this, he has always been of good service to me and his loyalty is beyond everything I've seen from any other servant."

The disbelieving look of the king hardened.

Arthur sighed. He hadn't intended to speak the following words to his father because the prince knew that the king wouldn't support it but now it seemed necessary.

"I gave Gaius my word that I would take care of Merlin and I won't break it."

Uther shot forward to his son, shouting furiously.

"You shouldn't have given such a promise!"

Arthur was shocked by this sudden outburst of his father. A little confused but still determined he replied.

"But I did and I won't take it back! My honour demands it!"

Uther seemed to realize that his words had been a little too harsh so he tried to calm down. Back to a normal volume he replied.

"No one would accuse you if you wouldn't keep this promise."

"Enough, father! I'll take over the responsibility for Merlin. Don't worry about him anymore. I'll deal with everything."

"Fine, do as you please. But I forbid him to use the guest chambers. They are not meant for lowly servants. Not to think what our royal guests would say."

"At least let me give him one for this night. I'll care for something new after that."

Uther stared at his son disapprovingly. But finally he gave in to the sincere look in Arthurs eyes.

"Fine, one night."

"Thank you, father."

"And Arthur, don't try to treat Merlin above his status. It doesn't fit a servant to be favoured and I won't approve it."

Arthur hesitated but finally nodded to pacify his father and left the room. Walking angrily through the hallways it still ran through his mind.

'Dammit, how can he just be so cold?'

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><p><strong>Okay, what do you think so far? Just let me put something straight: I've planned several chapters and I promise there's more behind than you could see right now. I hope it was noticeable that there was someone acting a little OOC. This was absolutely intended and is important for the rest of the story.<strong>

**Please review and tell me if you want me to go on. I'll try to update rotational with my other stories.**

**Bye, Cennamace**


	2. Blood

**Hi everyone!**

**Many thanks to all who reviewed or favoured/alerted the first chapter! You made me so happy though this is all so sad.**

**As I see there's a lot of ill wishing for Uther among the readers. Let's see if I can make him pay for his behaviour. I promise, I definitely will.^^**

**However, here's the next chapter. Please enjoy reading and I'd be happy for constructive reviews!**

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><p>The sad day of Gaius' death hadn't passed without signs. It felt as if the castle itself was mourning alongside its inhabitants. The news had spread very quickly, even the villages around were informed within hours.<p>

Though the king hadn't ordered a general grieving for Gaius, nearly everyone around lay down his work to mourn. Many came even from far away to attend the funeral on the next day to pay their last respects to the wise physician. Gaius had been known far across the boundaries of Camelot, not just as advisor to the king but also as a kind and reliable healer who always had an ear for the poor and suffering people.

Arthur looked out of his window on the next morning and watched a huge crowd of people gathering in the courtyard of the castle, waiting for the funeral to start.

The prince sighed deeply and made his way out of his chambers. It had been a short night. Even if he had wanted to sleep, his head couldn't settle down. Besides, there were a lot of things he had to take care of that prevented him to go to bed.

After he had left the throne room the day before, Arthur had first ordered Gaius' corpse to be prepared for the funeral on the next day. Still there were many people in front of Gaius' chambers. They all approached the prince when he crossed the hallway, expressing their condolence for the loss of such an important man. Arthur took it in only with half an ear, thinking that all these words should be spoken to Merlin instead of him. The boy was the closest one to Gaius. But even if Merlin would have had the power to stand there right now, Arthur was sure that it wouldn't mean much to him. No matter how dearly those people showed their commiseration, there was no way how this could bring Gaius back.

Soon Arthur had had enough of this and sent them all away, announcing that the funeral would be held at midday of the next day. Gladly the people obeyed and left him alone.

Right after this the prince had emerged to a scribe, dictating an edict to summon the future physician from Lord Godwin's realm. Uther had provided the details about this man by sending a servant to his son. Arthur studied the hastily written note – his father must have been in a worrisome mood while bringing these words down to the parchment. Arthur could clearly see that something had bothered Uther, he knew his father's font well enough to realize this. Maybe this was just a sign of the mourning for Gaius which the king hid otherwise.

All what Arthur could learn from the note were a name and the place where the healer was supposed to be right now. The man was called Salinor and should live in a village called Troscam.

The edict was quickly finished, Arthur had no sense for overformal wording right now. Just short facts with the royal request added and the letter was given to a messenger who left Camelot the same hour.

When this business was done, Arthur went over to inspect personally that the servant whom he had ordered to get the room ready for Merlin had done his job properly.

Though there were no signs of any special courtesy observable which were normally placed into the guest rooms for the noble visitors, it was prepared suitable. Arthur assumed that his father had instructed the servant to put nothing special in because this was just for Merlin, a low servant in the king's opinion. The prince still couldn't really understand why his father was so strict about Merlin, especially in such a situation. There had been many occasions where non-royal people were granted a guest room and they were all treated nicely.

But Arthur had given up thinking more about this. After all, it was more important that Merlin had a place where he could sleep and rest after this enormous loss. Surely he wouldn't have any interest in beautiful flowers, deliciousness or other special gifts at such a time.

So after approving the work, Arthur sent a servant to Gwen to inform her about the arranged accommodation for Merlin.

Then Arthur finally went back to his father to inform him about the execution of the king's order and the annunciation of Gaius' funeral for the next day. The prince was eager to have some rest after this.

But Uther had other plans. He ordered Arthur to summon the members of the court for an urgent meeting and several military discussions.

The prince had to attend them all and it was very late evening when Arthur was finally allowed to retreat to his chambers. Still the odd topics whirred through his mind which had been discussed within the last hours.

Uther wanted to increase the amount of patrolling guards in and outside the castle. Therefore he withdrew nearly all guards from certain places inside the castle, as around the kitchen, laundry, stables and many other places where only servants would pass.

Arthur couldn't find any reason for this. But whenever he asked for some explanation, Uther just shot a nearly angry look at his son, telling him wordlessly not to question it.

The whole meetings had ended with a nervous king ordering uncommon things. Arthur hadn't been the only one who furrowed his brow in irritation more than one time but the king made clear that he allowed no objections.

Even after all the topics seemed to be discussed – though it was more a wild giving out of orders by the king alone – Uther sent everyone away scowling but demanded his most trusted messenger to be called for receiving urgent orders. Arthur wanted to stay and listen to it as well because this was standard but Uther sent him away like all the others.

The prince was a little concerned. Did his father have secret orders that he couldn't trust to his son? This was strange because so often Uther had stated to Arthur that he was the only one he could really trust.

But Arthur – maybe also because he was too glad for being allowed to leave at last – tried not to overrate it. It could still be a side effect of Gaius' death. Perhaps it got deeper to the king than he admitted.

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><p>Arthur – as tired as he was – still didn't forget about Merlin though the night had already come. The prince went to the guest chambers and just saw Gwen stepping out of one of those rooms. Cautiously she shut the door, obviously exerted to leave very quietly.<p>

When she turned around she recognized Arthur and approached him.

"Guinevere, is Merlin in there?"

"Yes, he is. Thanks for grating him this room."

But Arthur waved his hand.

"It's a matter of course. I couldn't let him stay where Gaius just died."

"I'm sure he's very thankful for this."

Gwen tried to smile but Arthur could see behind this, she was concerned.

"How is he?"

Gwen sighed and looked back to the door she had just closed.

"I brought him to the room some hours ago and told him to sleep. But he was too wrought up. He had cried all the time when he was at my home. A servant informed me that a room was prepared on your behalf and I needed a lot of time to get Merlin there. He just wasn't able to receive my words. Finally he followed me and I stayed with him until now. He was calm and looked so empty. I don't think he noticed much of what I've said. Finally his eyes closed and I assume that he found into some sleep. I guess it's better not to visit him now."

"Of course, I won't disturb him today."

"Thank you!"

Arthur looked around and after realizing that no one was around he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't have been with you today."

She looked up and her sad face allowed a comforting smile.

"Don't worry, I know you had to be with your father."

"Are you all right?"

She nodded.

"Yes, I'm fine. But I do worry about Merlin. I don't know if he can ever recover from this."

"We have to give him time. Tomorrow will be Gaius' funeral. I think it's important for Merlin to be there as well. Could you make sure to get him there in time tomorrow? But don't force him if he's still too broken."

"Of course, I'll take care of it."

"I thank you. You should better rest now as well. You had a hard day, I can see that."

Gwen smiled again.

"You should do so as well. But don't you need anything? I mean, as Merlin wasn't able to serve you today ..."

"No, don't worry! I can take care of my stuff on my own for some days."

"Well, then I wish you a good night!"

"Thanks, good night to you as well."

After a last look at each other they parted.

Arthur had went straight to his chambers, placing his cloths tidily on a chair, knowing that there wouldn't be a cheerful servant with dark hair and blue eyes who would take them to the cleaning. Arthur just realized that he had never really recognized how much his servant was doing for him every day, even such simple things without receiving any credit for it.

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><p>It was odd not to have Merlin wake the prince or see him serving the breakfast. It was too quiet, displeasingly lonely.<p>

Arthur wouldn't have expected that the servant would just run into his chambers grinning like every day before. It would have been foolish to think that this could happen right now. But to see that Merlin didn't come at all showed even more that the boy was still beyond the status to return to his duties. Arthur surely didn't blame him. It was more than natural.

Sighing deeply the prince walked on to the guest chambers with an empty stomach. But he didn't bother about his hunger, he could eat soon enough. Right now he had more important things in mind.

While lying awake so long he had decided to look for Merlin's state by himself first thing in the morning. Maybe the boy needed some more comforting and though Arthur knew that he wasn't good at this, he was still willing to try his best.

Cautiously he knocked on Merlin's door but heard no reply. Thinking that his servant could still be sleeping, Arthur opened the door.

But all he saw was an empty bed. He approached it, realizing in panic that the blankets were covered with blood.

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><p><strong>So, I hope you liked this chapter though it was a little bit dark. I look forward to your reviews!<strong>

**Bye, Cennamace**


	3. The Knife

**Hi everyone!**

**Wow, I was so thrilled by all your reviews that I continued writing sooner than I had planned. Thank you so much! Please regard this as a little birthday present (even if I'm the one who has her birthday today).^^**

**I also would like to thank all the reviewers I couldn't reply to personally (Helen, Nightingale, MerlAngst, Nina, Lena and Treblecleff123).**

**I hope you'll like this chapter as well though it's getting darker. That's also why I changed the rating to 'T'.**

**However, please enjoy reading and I'd be happy for some reviews!**

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><p>The shock was deep. Arthur needed a moment to get back into some clear thinking. The questions just rushed through his head.<p>

Why was there so much blood? Was it Merlin's blood? But more important: Where was Merlin?

The prince looked around in panic but he couldn't spot his servant. It was still a little dark and the shadows caused an even more dangerously atmosphere.

The fear inside Arthur grew.

Had Merlin been attacked by someone and kidnapped? But who would even do something like that and why?

But soon a very painful thought crossed Arthur's mind. Was it possible that Merlin had committed suicide?

The prince didn't want to believe it and tried to push this picture aside but it wouldn't leave on his demand. No matter how much Arthur didn't want to see, it was still possible. He had seen Merlin's state and heard what Gwen had told him yesterday. But to imagine this nearly always cheerful clumsy boy ending his life on purpose was so wrong.

Dammed, why hadn't he looked after Merlin yesterday and stayed with him? He was responsible for the boy now, he should have prevented whatever had happened to him.

Suddenly Arthur realized a dark drop of blood next to the bed which was just illuminated by the arising sun. But it wasn't leading to the door, no. It directed him right to the opened window.

The prince rushed forward, calling for his servant.

"Merlin?"

He received no response and it let Arthur's heart sink. He didn't know if he was ready to face the view that he didn't want to witness. He just didn't want to see Merlin smashed to death below the window.

But as he approached with his heart beating to its limits, he heard a soft sobbing and saw a little movement of the big curtain.

Arthur hurried and pushed the material aside. His heart jumped when he saw Merlin crouching behind the fabric, knees pulled close to his body and his right arm resting on top of them. Merlin's eyes stared at the bleeding skin in total confusion.

The prince was too glad that the boy was still alive than to yell at him right now. Quickly he grabbed a nearby towel and pressed it on the wound.

It had been a straight cut along the artery with the length of a man's hand.

Now it was confirmed to Arthur: _It had been an attempted suicide. _

But fortunately Merlin seemed not having aimed perfectly. Though much blood had been running out from the wound it would have taken some more minutes to actually kill the boy. Nevertheless Merlin would have succeeded bleeding out if Arthur hadn't come by that early.

Arthur sighed after fixing the towel properly to prevent more blood loss and looked caring at his servant as he started talking to him softly.

"Merlin, I can understand how you feel but this is no solution. I'm sure Gaius didn't want you to die. In fact he asked me to ..."

"No!"

Suddenly Merlin's eyes shot up to the prince while pulling his arm out of Arthur's grip.

The prince was shocked at this sudden outburst and watched confused how Merlin looked around in terror as if he was just realizing where he was.

He investigated his arm and recognized in shock the light bloodline emerging from under the dressing.

Merlin reached for it and made Arthur fear that he would try to rip the bandage away. Quickly the prince caught his servant's hand.

"Stop it, Merlin! I won't let you kill yourself!"

"But I didn't ... want to. I ... I did not ... I don't know ... why ... what happened?"

Total confusion and panic occurred in Merlin's tired eyes as he looked up to the prince. Arthur could feel how Merlin's whole body began to shake and a small teardrop appeared in his eyes.

The prince didn't know what to say. But at least now the boy seemed to be able to apprehend the words which were spoken to him, finally.

"Merlin, you have to calm down!"

A mere whisper left Merlin's mouth as his hands stopped resisting against his master's grip.

"What happened?"

Arthur sighed.

"Obviously you've tried to kill yourself."

Merlin's eyes widened even more.

"What? But I have never ... no. I can't remember that I've done something like that. Or ... did I?"

The servant looked down, again caught in questions that seemed too much for him right now.

Arthur assumed that it had been the shock. Surely the grief had taken control over his actions and he couldn't remember anything anymore.

"Merlin, calm down. It's okay, nothing happened. The wound is dressed, you can't die from it anymore. But you have to promise never to try it again."

The servant looked up once more. His eyes were still filled with irritation but there were also bright traces of honesty while his voice stated a pleading intensity.

"Arthur, you have to believe me, I've never wanted to kill myself. I'm sad, yes, totally sad but I had no intention to end my life. Please, you must believe me!"

The prince wavered. He knew this look. Everytime when his servant had this look in his eyes, he was telling nothing but the truth. But here were the facts, the wound confirmed it. Maybe it was all to blame on the shock. Arthur wished nothing more but to believe that the boy would get over this.

To calm Merlin the prince nodded and got up. His hand invited the servant to get up as well. Merlin grabbed the hand and got up, still a little bit shaky but he was able to stand without help. Arthur was glad about this and made his way to the door.

"I'll let the servants bring some food to your room."

"I'm not hungry."

"No, Merlin, you _will_ eat something! I order you to."

Arthur's voice had been a little harsh as he realized after looking at Merlin's startled face. Realizing his fault, he tried to calm down and swallowed his fear that the servant might refuse to eat ever again.

"Merlin, I beg of you, please eat something. You're weak already and not just because of your blood loss. I'll see to it personally if I must. And if I have to feed you, don't think I wouldn't do it."

A little smile occurred on Merlin's face and it lifted Arthur's whole negative mood and worry away when he heard his servant speak softly.

"I'd love to see that happen."

The prince nodded and couldn't help but to smile back in return though his face was still serious.

"Just give me some minutes. And promise that you won't do anything foolish!"

"But you know me, I always do."

There it was finally back, a streak of Merlin's old self. It reassured Arthur enough to leave the room for about mere two minutes to pass his orders to some servants. They should get some food from the kitchen and some clothes from Merlin's old room to the prince's chambers. Arthur didn't want to let Merlin eat right here where a hugely blooded bed reminded him of his attempt of suicide.

_If it had been one. _

As much as Arthur wanted to believe the words of his servant, he still had seen the room. What else should have happened? If really someone else had done this, why hadn't he finished the job? And what reason should anybody have for even doing this? It didn't make any sense.

But as Arthur entered Merlin's room again and saw the boy standing there, curiously waiting for the prince's return without any hinted will of self-destruction, he began to allow some silent doubts rise in his royal mind.

"Merlin, we'll eat in my chambers. I've ordered the food to be brought there. Just go ahead, I'll follow in some minutes."

"Allright."

Without any complaining the servant obeyed and left the room.

Arthur just waited until the door was closed and started to look through the room immediately. He examined every inch of it, opened every cupboard, turned every pillow while looking for unusual things but he found nothing that could serve as clue for an intruder.

The more he was disturbed by the only thing that was missing: _The knife._

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><p><strong>I know this chapter was shorter than the last two but I didn't want to keep you waiting much longer. I hope this was okay.<strong>

**I also hope you're relieved that Merlin is still alive. **

**So what do you think? Please tell me! I look forward to your reviews.^^**

**Bye, Cennamace  
><strong>


	4. Doubts

**Hi everyone!**

**Wow, it's been quite a long time since I've written the last chapter. My apologies to everyone of you who waited for this update. My life has been very crazy and stressful within the last months. That's why I couldn't spare any time for writing at all. To make it short: I had to care for my niece and nephew nearly fulltime because my sister and her husband were heavily injured in a car accident. Gladly they've survived although it was very close. The children kept me more than busy and of course I still had to work meanwhile. It was a very hard time and I needed some weeks to get back to my normal rhythm after my sister left the hospital. And right now I have to get along with my new job. It really sucks.**

**However, I'll try to continue my stories from now on though I can't promise if I'll find time for this every week. Please don't be too mad at me.**

**And please excuse all the mistakes. I guess I wouldn't get this done if I would use more time for proofreading.**

**Still I hope you'll enjoy reading this.**

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><p><strong>Note: I know, the 4<strong>**th**** season had aired meanwhile which means that this story doesn't make sense anymore because of Uther. So please think of this story as if it had happened after season 3.**

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><p>It ran through Arthur's mind when he returned to his chambers. Why had there been no weapon in Merlin's room? He couldn't imagine how his clumsy servant could have harmed himself without anything sharp. The wound was too precise, the cut far too clean as that it could have been caused by anything else but a sharp-edged blade. So if there was no knife maybe this really meant someone had attacked Merlin.<p>

But still, despite his looks, Arthur knew that his servant was no idiot. He could have just thrown it out of the window. But would Merlin really think of something like that when he was in such confusion?

Arthur doubted this. Checking on it would be the only way to find out the truth.

There wasn't enough time to go out looking for it by himself, so the prince ordered a nearby servant to do so while Arthur would check on another possibility: Merlin could still be wearing the knife.

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><p>When Arthur entered his chambers Merlin was already there, pacing around while staring on his right arm. But as soon as he realized the prince he quickly dropped it and looked as if he had done nothing special.<p>

After a hesitating look of suspicion Arthur decided not to speak about it and just waved his hand signalling Merlin to take a seat on the meanwhile set table. The servant obeyed and waited for the prince to seat himself as well.

The silence between them was horrible. Arthur just didn't know what he should say. He clearly saw Merlin was thinking about something intensively.

More than one time the prince wanted to ask his servant about it but Merlin seemed somehow inaccessibly.

Suddenly Merlin looked up, realizing the prince's staring.

"What?"

"Well, nothing. Just … what is … what are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"You're aware that you're lying in front of your master?"

Merlin was a little bit shocked by this sudden accusation. Looking away from the prince's eyes he admitted.

"Sorry."

"Just tell me the truth."

"It's not that easy."

"I'll listen to it."

Again Merlin hesitated. But after a final look at the prince he began to speak.

"I'm thinking about the night. I can't really recall what had happened. It's as if … everything went blank in my mind."

"The shock about Gaius?"

"Maybe."

This didn't sound convincing at all. Something was nagging on Merlin but obviously he wasn't able to tell the reason for it.

Arthur finally gave up on it just to realize Merlin's full plate. He hadn't eaten anything until now.

"Hey, if you don't answer my questions you should at least eat up."

"I'm not hungry."

"You will eat at once or I'll make you!"

Merlin's doubtingly twitching eyebrow revealed a short moment of some normal behaviour. But it vanished as fast as it had come.

Arthur sighed.

"Do you really want me to feed you?"

"Fine, I'll eat something."

Finally Merlin guided some bites to his mouth but stopped before his plate looked any emptier.

Again Arthur admonished his servant to go on. But it was still difficult to persuade Merlin to eat more though at least he obeyed without the need to being fed.

Arthur was relieved about this because he felt very awkward, imagining that he would really have to feed his servant, though he would have done it if necessary.

When they had finished Arthur told Merlin about the upcoming funeral and of course Merlin agreed to attend it as well.

"Fine, then you better use the bath before it starts. Here are some clean clothes for you, I had them brought here from your room."

"Okay, but don't you need the bath on your own?"

"No, I used it earlier this morning. Just go ahead, I'll be out to see to the preparations for the funeral. I'll send Gwen to you later so that she can make a proper dressing for your arm."

Merlin nodded and grabbed the clothes to make his way to the bath behind the screen while Arthur went towards the door.

As soon as the servant had vanished out of his sight, Arthur opened the door and closed it again but without actually leaving.

Merlin assumed that Arthur had left the room and stripped off his clothes. As the prince always did he hung them over the screen and went into the comfortably warm water.

Now it was Arthur's time to make his move. Without causing any noise he sneaked over to the screen and pulled away Merlin's clothes. For his luck the bathtub was directed to the wall so that the screen was in the back.

Quietly the prince searched through the clothes but found nothing. Soundless he placed the fabrics back on the screen as they had been before and left the room.

Outside he received the report of the servant whom he had sent down to find the knife.

"I am sorry, Sire, but I've found no knife or any other weapon below the window."

"Are you absolutely certain?"

"Indeed, Sire. But maybe someone has taken it, often people pass the area."

"Maybe. Allright, inform me if anyone had found it."

"Of course, Sire!"

The servant vanished and left Arthur back thinking.

Was it just an unreasonable feeling which alarmed him that something seemed odd here? No knife to spot – though it could still have been taken away by someone outside. But not many people passed the way below at such an early hour, so the chances were quite slim.

However, Merlin couldn't have it. There had been nothing in his clothes and if he had put it down behind the screen, Arthur surely wouldn't have missed the sound of the metal touching the stony ground.

And there was something else that Arthur had just realized while eating with Merlin: The prince had never really paid any attention to it but now he was absolutely sure. His servant was right-handed. Why the hell would someone who intended to kill himself use his weak arm for such an action?

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><p><strong>It was short, I know. But better than nothing (I hope). Reviews are – of course – welcome. ^^<strong>

**Bye, Cennamace  
><strong>


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